There has definitely been a bit of a lag in my blogging these last several days. My mind has been so scattered that I haven't been able to concentrate on too much else outside the home. So, if I haven't responded to any emails, comments, phone calls, etc., I promise that it is not on purpose.
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Given the nature of why my family is in this situation in the first place, I have questioned sometimes if God may be punishing me or if I have any unfinished penance in direct effect of my past. My logic tells me that isn't true, my heart thinks otherwise. There have been many times where I have felt unable to approach the Lord - whether it be out of fear or even anger. Or even worse, sometimes I am just so exhausted that there are days where I can just be filled with plain apathy.
I understand a little better now why many Saints approach Our Lady as their trusted intercessor. St. Gemma Galgani once said, "You must make peace between Jesus and me ". We never know Mary to be angry. We never hear or speak of "Mary's wrath" or "Mary's justice", because all of that belongs to God. We only hear of her unending love and mercy for God's children and her desire to draw us near to her Son.
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I am not saying that God's Love & Mercy isn't infinite, but what I am saying is that this has been my struggle. With this current hesitation to approach the Cross during this season of my life, I have felt that I could only approach Mary because at least I know that she sits at the foot of that Cross and always intercedes and advocates on our behalf. So again, I don't know what will happen here shortly, but at least I am confident that her hand is one of gentleness and peace, guiding us always to God, whether we realize it or not.
The Feast Day of Our Lady of Lourdes is coming up... the day when the Sainthood of my Patron (st Bernadette) was made evident to the world. Maybe if I can discipline myself (yup, sadly, I suck at Novenas particularly since I have had children), I can make a heavenly petition on our behalf. If not, please pray for us and for me.
Mary, Refuge of Sinners, ora pro nobis.
I really like this post, since I too have always struggled with the idea that God is punishing me/angry with me. I know that not be true as well, and is the enemy trying to get me feel that hesitation, fear towards the Lord. However, I never considered Mary in this light.. I really must rely on her more..especially when I have the dreaded apathy or numbness in my faith. Thanks for the encouragement & inspiration.
ReplyDeletePraying for a swift resolution and a long-term reunion with your hubby. Hang in there, girl. You've got Mary and all the saints on your side.
ReplyDeleteI know how cruel mil life can be :-/ though to a lesser degree. But I also know what you mean about hesitating to approach the cross, and finding Mary a few steps before it instead. Praying for your family, friend.
ReplyDeleteOh, Jiza. I had no idea of your struggles! Prayers for you, sweet friend. I can't imagine what a cross this is, but I do have a very solemn cross of my own (and, similarly, sometimes struggle with feeling like I've unfinished penance or incomplete forgiveness or other nonsense). In solidarity with you, I will definitely try for a novena on the Feast of Our Lady of Lourdes.
ReplyDeletexoxo
All of time is in God's hands. Hold Him closely through this.
ReplyDeleteoh jiza --- don't do that to yourself. (God may be punishing me or if I have any unfinished penance in direct effect of my past)
ReplyDeleteIt's easier said than done, I know. I've had my darkest times as well and took me years to finally forgive myself. Even though I know that God has forgiven me, it took longer for my heart and mind to really accept and believe that.
Praying for u.
Oh, wow, Jiza, I am so terribly sorry to hear about your separation from your husband. I have a dear friend whose husband just returned from a year away and is now withdrawing from the Army because the time apart was terrible for his family. I can't imagine how difficult this must be. It is not the way God intends for families to live. I feel angry to read about what you are suffering! Be assured of my prayers.
ReplyDeleteOh, wow, Jiza, I am so terribly sorry to hear about your separation from your husband. I have a dear friend whose husband just returned from a year away and is now withdrawing from the Army because the time apart was terrible for his family. I can't imagine how difficult this must be. It is not the way God intends for families to live. I feel angry to read about what you are suffering! Be assured of my prayers.
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